Umbridge gets hers
by Fonkirby
Summary: The arguing between Harry and Umbridge reaches a head, but what happens if a certain dark wizard decided to show up early? Funny stuff that's what! Rated M for language
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This was a humorous spur-of-the moment story i came up with while walking my dog. Perhaps the only character IN character is Umbridge, but don't take this too seriously, it's ment to be funny and nothing more. [well, its also a "punish Umbridge earlier" story too xD]

Umbridge Gets hers

"But I'm telling you, I'm NOT lying, he really is back! If you don't teach us properly then we're all as good as dead!" Harry said attempting to reason with the frog faced women. It was useless of course, but he had to try.

Professor Umbridge's face was twisted with rage, "THAT IS ENOUGH OUT OF YOU, YOU FILTHY LITTLE LIER! HOW MANNY MORE DETENTIONS MUST I GIVE YOU BEFORE YOU FINALLY LEARN THE TRUTH!?"

"IT IS THE TRUTH YOU OLD HAG!! YOU'RE JUST TO AFRAID TO ADMIT IT!! I'M THE GODDAMN BOY WHO LIVED FOR FUCKS SAKE, I THINK WHAT I HAVE TO SAY SHOULD HOLD SOME GROUND!"

"SILENCE YOU LITTLE SHIT!! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE, YOU ARE DELUSIONAL! HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED IS GONE AND I WILL NOT HAVE YOU SPREADING THESE RIDICULOUS LI-" Umbridge was cut off as a massive explosion tore away the very wall to the left of her. As the dust settled, everyone's eyes were on the figure slowly approaching.

He looked with a smile on his face at the one he was here for, "Hello Harry. Have you missed me?" Voldemort chuckled to himself, but before he could do or say anything else Harry pointed to Umbridge and shouted, "HA! I WAS RIGHT YOU FUCKING BITCH, I WASN'T LYING AT ALL!"

Voldemort was very curious all of a sudden, "Eh? What are you talking about Potter?"

Harry shrugged to him and showed him the back of his hand, stained with the words he had been forced to write for weeks straight. Voldemort walked over, "Let me see that." Taking Harry's hand he read allowed, "I will not tell lies." Turning to face the petrified professor (though no spell had yet been cast upon her), "You little bitch, calling my great return a lie. Such nonsense does not belong in this world! AVADA KADA-"

"No you cant kill her!" Harry interrupted him.

Voldemort frowned, "Aw what are you talking about? Why not!?"

"Well, she only JUST found out I wasn't lying, she's still in shock and cannot properly comprehend that I was right and she was wrong. You can't just kill her, I can't rub it in her face if you do that!"

The dark wizard sighed, "You know, I could just kill everyone in here, Dumbledore is on the other side of the fucking castle, and with the way he hobbles around, even with those shortcuts ill be long gone before he gets here. Besides, you know she won't accept what she sees. She will still think I'm not real and that you're lying."

Harry pondered for a moment, "Cant you just zap her so that she cannot possibly deny what she saw?"

"Well, yea, that's easy."

"So then do it, please?"

Voldemort was beaten this time and he knew it, "FINE, I'll do it." With a quick flick of his wand and a few evil thoughts, Umbridge was brought out of her state of shock and her brain was flooded with guilt as she was forced to comprehend that indeed, the dark wizard had returned. Overcome with this new revelation she was sent to her knees in tears and blubbering apologies to the Potter boy.

As nice as it was seeing her apologize, Harry just couldn't shake the feeling that this was all incredibly annoying, "Oh god, she's even WORSE now."

Voldemort's eyes brightened, "So, does this mean I can kill her?"

"Yea sure whatever."

"Sweeeeeet." Replied a now giddy Voldimort. With Umbridge now dead, Hermione brought up a very important subject.

"Well, now we need a new defense against the dark arts teacher."

Voldemort frowned again, "Oh yea, how bout that." He then cast another spell upon the now dead professor. She rose once again to her feet, looking a little greener then previously, her transformation to frogdom was fast approaching it seems. "Right, now my zombie minion, you are going to properly teach these children about defense against the dark arts...not that it will matter." he ended with a smile.

"yea yea thanks, now get out of here, and fix that wall too." Harry said taking his seat.

"Alright, alright. I'll just kill you later."

"K, you might want to hurry though before Dumbledore kicks your ass."

"Yea yea." Voldemort grumbled to himself before leaving in a poof of smoke.

"Oi," Harry called, "You forgot to fix the wall.

"Oh go fuck yourself Potter." Said the disembodied voice of Voldemort as the wall began to fix itself.


	2. Chapter 2

Ubridge Gets Her's

"OK, before we begin." Spoke the zombie version of Ubridge, "I must first take away all the points Gryffindor has accumulated thus far."

"WHAT THE SHIT?!" Harry spat, "WHY?!?"

"Voldemort's orders, Harry Potter is in the Gryffindor house, therefore the Gryffindor house must lose all points...that is all."

Harry yelled to the heavens, "GODDAMN IT VOLDEMORT!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!"

"Yea well I fucking hate you more." Voldemort's disembodied voice said.

Just then the door burst open, and from the hall entered an elderly man with a surprisingly long white beard. "Alright, nobody move, where is that asshole?"

"Dumbledore. What are you doing here?" Harry asked.

"The fuck does it look like ass-face, I'm here to kick Voldemort's ass now where is he?!"

Hermione piped up, "He's gone professor."

"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S GONE!? WHAT THE HELL?"

"Sorry sir, but he just said he would kill me another time and left."

Dumbledore pointed at harry, "Why the fuck didn't you stall him?!? One hundred points from Gryffindor!"

"But sir, we don't have any points left, Zombie Umbridge just took them all."

"Oh, well alright then...one hundred points to Gryffindor."

"YES!" Ron called out.

Dumbledore finished his intentional pause, "One hundred points from Gryffindor."

Ron slumped back down in his seat, "Well fuck."

Dumbledore resumed yet again, "Do you realize I already had half the killing curse recited? Now who am I going to kill? I can't just NOT kill someone. You! Get over here."

Malfoy who was having a very hard time breathing over the laughter that was consuming him over the fate of the Gryffindor house looked up weakly, "M-me sir?"

"Yes you. Get your ass over here."

Malfoy did as he was told, "Professor, what did you wa-"

"KADAVERA!!" Dumbledore boomed and there was a flash of green light, after that, Malfoy was dead on the ground.

Pansy shrieked, "P-PROFESSOR WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

Dumbledore shrugged his shoulders, "What? He was a prick anyway."

After an uncomfortable silence, Crabb and Goyal had finally processed what happened. "We...we're...WE'RE FREE!!!!"

The two jumped up and down with glee, "Finally, we can actually pay attention in class and stop being assholes to people, we are truly sorry by the way."

Dumbledore nodded, "There you see? If I didn't kill this little shit, those two would have had horrible futures. I just saved two lives today...yes, I think I've done well for myself." Satisfied that all was well he nodded to the undead Umbridge and left the classroom, Umbridge began to instruct the class properly for once and Malfoy was just left to rot.

A/N: Malfoy fanboys/girls will hate me but oh well, I never liked Malfoy ether.


End file.
